Last night and today I was reminded of something: Anxiety, worry, fear... all sins. When I get anxious or worry about something it is like saying "God, you can't handle this, this is too much for me, too much for you, so therefore I'm going to stress out about it". How dare I worry when my Father in Heaven has proved over and over again how he can handle anything, and how he is so much more powerful than I can ever imagine. If I believe the Bible is 100% true, then I need to believe all of the verses that talk about how powerful he is, and how he promises to never leave me, are absolutely true. For the first time, last night, I had a panic attack. Never mind the reason why... but let's just say it was pretty irrational to be so worried and upset about it. I knew deep down it would be ok, but my mind kept telling me that these crazy, irrational things were going to happen, and got to the point where I literally couldn't catch my breath. My God is so much bigger than the futile thing that I was stressing over. I really need to work on my worrying problem, and remember that I have a good shepherd who comforts the weary and the weak.
~Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Pet 5.6-7)
~I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Ps 18.1-2)
~Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3.5-6)
~And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Rom 8.28)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
re-adjustments
I'm amazed at how quickly I have been able to jump back into my "normal" life... I just got home from a trip to Israel less than a week ago and I am already feeling fully re-adjusted to our time-zone, and comfortable picking up where I left off...
My trip was incredible. It was incredibly challenging in a physical sense, and incredibly enlightening into Jewish culture, First Century living, and a deeper understanding of the character of the God that I serve and love. It wasn't one of those; spiritual high, fall on your knees and cry out, rock your world for the weeks that you're there type of experience for me. For me it was a steady gaining of knowledge, understanding, and appreciation. Knowledge of Jewish culture, and the lifestyle that a Jew would have a lived in the first Century. Understanding of why the Bible, and Jesus in particular, use certain things as symbols, and an understanding of how Jesus fulfilled every prophecy and every promise from God. And an appreciation for the intense, passionate love that the Triune God has for us.
And yet with my new-found knowledge, understanding, and appreciation, I'm having a hard time knowing exactly how this should translate in my life back home. In Kelly. I have a much better picture of how Jesus lived his life, but in my life today, how can I mirror this? It is much harder than I expected to transform the areas in my life that were brought to light as needing some t.l.c while I was on the trip. It's much easier to just settle back in to the old way, the comfortable way, that I was living.
I guess the one thing, and I suppose I should take this as at least some progress, is that I am more sensitive to the times and opportunities that I should be entering Shephelah and being a city on a hill. I think my conscience has gotten stronger when it comes to showing those around me who don't know Jesus, how he might have reacted. I'm not saying I'm always good at it, but it's going somewhere.
For now I have to keep praying and reading. I know that God gave me this trip for a reason and I know that I have the ability to let this change my life for the better. Here I go :)
My trip was incredible. It was incredibly challenging in a physical sense, and incredibly enlightening into Jewish culture, First Century living, and a deeper understanding of the character of the God that I serve and love. It wasn't one of those; spiritual high, fall on your knees and cry out, rock your world for the weeks that you're there type of experience for me. For me it was a steady gaining of knowledge, understanding, and appreciation. Knowledge of Jewish culture, and the lifestyle that a Jew would have a lived in the first Century. Understanding of why the Bible, and Jesus in particular, use certain things as symbols, and an understanding of how Jesus fulfilled every prophecy and every promise from God. And an appreciation for the intense, passionate love that the Triune God has for us.
And yet with my new-found knowledge, understanding, and appreciation, I'm having a hard time knowing exactly how this should translate in my life back home. In Kelly. I have a much better picture of how Jesus lived his life, but in my life today, how can I mirror this? It is much harder than I expected to transform the areas in my life that were brought to light as needing some t.l.c while I was on the trip. It's much easier to just settle back in to the old way, the comfortable way, that I was living.
I guess the one thing, and I suppose I should take this as at least some progress, is that I am more sensitive to the times and opportunities that I should be entering Shephelah and being a city on a hill. I think my conscience has gotten stronger when it comes to showing those around me who don't know Jesus, how he might have reacted. I'm not saying I'm always good at it, but it's going somewhere.
For now I have to keep praying and reading. I know that God gave me this trip for a reason and I know that I have the ability to let this change my life for the better. Here I go :)
Saturday, May 15, 2010
farewell
Farewell to the play.
I just finished my directorial debut as a director of Holland Christian's Much Ado About Nothing. It has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life! The cast that I had the opportunity to work with was amazing. I just can't begin to describe, to anyone outside of this production, what it was like to work with them. The way that they treat, and love each other. The way that they are obviously doing this to glorify the God that they truly are seeking to grow closer with. The way that they are so incredibly dedicated, and have worked themselves to the bone. And the way that they have welcomed me with open arms. I was incredibly nervous when this whole process started. Feeling like I am still very close to their age, and I have no experience as a director, and I just didn't really know any of them going into this, were all of the things that were causing me to doubt, at the beginning, whether or not I was capable of this. Looking back on the first few practices, I remember feeling like I might actually throw up because I was so nervous. Comparing those first practices to how comfortable I feel now with the entire cast is like night and day. I love them all so much. I am so so so beyond thankful for the chance I got to do this. Not only was it a blast, and not only will it look amazing on a resume, but it was a blessing to be encouraged, impressed, and amazed daily by the students of this cast.
I am going to miss this, and all of them, sooo much!
Thank you Jesus for this awesome gift that I was given.
Yay for the theatre!
I just finished my directorial debut as a director of Holland Christian's Much Ado About Nothing. It has been one of the most incredible experiences of my life! The cast that I had the opportunity to work with was amazing. I just can't begin to describe, to anyone outside of this production, what it was like to work with them. The way that they treat, and love each other. The way that they are obviously doing this to glorify the God that they truly are seeking to grow closer with. The way that they are so incredibly dedicated, and have worked themselves to the bone. And the way that they have welcomed me with open arms. I was incredibly nervous when this whole process started. Feeling like I am still very close to their age, and I have no experience as a director, and I just didn't really know any of them going into this, were all of the things that were causing me to doubt, at the beginning, whether or not I was capable of this. Looking back on the first few practices, I remember feeling like I might actually throw up because I was so nervous. Comparing those first practices to how comfortable I feel now with the entire cast is like night and day. I love them all so much. I am so so so beyond thankful for the chance I got to do this. Not only was it a blast, and not only will it look amazing on a resume, but it was a blessing to be encouraged, impressed, and amazed daily by the students of this cast.
I am going to miss this, and all of them, sooo much!
Thank you Jesus for this awesome gift that I was given.
Yay for the theatre!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
work.
I was sort of dreading today.
I was so sleepy last night, that thinking about the craziness of today made me feel nervous and not so excited. However, despite my poor attitude and pessimism, I was pleasantly surprised by the way the day ended up.
It started out with a four hour shift at the small clothing and shoe store that I work at. I opened the store with my manager and he gave me a project to work on right away. This project kept me busy for the first two hours of my shift. Then, we received about 13 boxes from the fed-ex guy and went to work on entering that into the computer. Then for the last hour of my shift, my brother came in for the beginning of his shift. As I was steaming the new shirts and dresses that we got in today, I was able to catch up with him for a while.
It may sound strange that these things made my shift today an exceptionally good shift, but I am very thankful for the way things turned out! Sometimes I think that working is going to ruin my day, when it usually ends up holding some of the best parts of it! I am so incredibly blessed to have the job I do. Not only because it is a job (in this economy...), but also because I have some of the most kind, generous, hard-working bosses in the entire world. (not to mention I get to work with my brother, who just happens to be one of my very best friends!)
After working there, I quick went home to grab some lunch and to send a few emails... When I got home, lunch was already sitting out for me, prepared lovingly by my mother. It has been so nice being home the last few weeks, I'm not used to having someone cook and clean for me! It's something that I don't take for granted near as much as I used to!
Next I went onto play practice. With the performance in just a couple of short days, I was feeling very nervous about the way practice would go today. I was so surprised when everyone in the cast rose to the occasion and put on a decent performance! They are all working so incredibly hard, and it is one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever been able to be a part of!
I was able to finish the day by having dinner and relaxing with my best friend.
So... I wasn't excited about today. I wasn't excited to work at my job, and then to go work some more at play practice. However, like I said, even with that poor attitude that I entered the day with, God transformed everything and gave me an exceptional day!
God's pretty amazing like that. Despite our constant sinful nature (that I give into far far too often) He still showers his grace upon us and gives us more blessings than we could ever begin to deserve.
Thanks God.
I was so sleepy last night, that thinking about the craziness of today made me feel nervous and not so excited. However, despite my poor attitude and pessimism, I was pleasantly surprised by the way the day ended up.
It started out with a four hour shift at the small clothing and shoe store that I work at. I opened the store with my manager and he gave me a project to work on right away. This project kept me busy for the first two hours of my shift. Then, we received about 13 boxes from the fed-ex guy and went to work on entering that into the computer. Then for the last hour of my shift, my brother came in for the beginning of his shift. As I was steaming the new shirts and dresses that we got in today, I was able to catch up with him for a while.
It may sound strange that these things made my shift today an exceptionally good shift, but I am very thankful for the way things turned out! Sometimes I think that working is going to ruin my day, when it usually ends up holding some of the best parts of it! I am so incredibly blessed to have the job I do. Not only because it is a job (in this economy...), but also because I have some of the most kind, generous, hard-working bosses in the entire world. (not to mention I get to work with my brother, who just happens to be one of my very best friends!)
After working there, I quick went home to grab some lunch and to send a few emails... When I got home, lunch was already sitting out for me, prepared lovingly by my mother. It has been so nice being home the last few weeks, I'm not used to having someone cook and clean for me! It's something that I don't take for granted near as much as I used to!
Next I went onto play practice. With the performance in just a couple of short days, I was feeling very nervous about the way practice would go today. I was so surprised when everyone in the cast rose to the occasion and put on a decent performance! They are all working so incredibly hard, and it is one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever been able to be a part of!
I was able to finish the day by having dinner and relaxing with my best friend.
So... I wasn't excited about today. I wasn't excited to work at my job, and then to go work some more at play practice. However, like I said, even with that poor attitude that I entered the day with, God transformed everything and gave me an exceptional day!
God's pretty amazing like that. Despite our constant sinful nature (that I give into far far too often) He still showers his grace upon us and gives us more blessings than we could ever begin to deserve.
Thanks God.
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