a year, just the beginning of eternity

It's now been a year since the passing of my dear Grandpa Zwiep. He was truly a man of God. It was amazing to see, after he died, all of the people who he had impacted. At each visitation and at the funeral the rooms were overflowing with people. People who were there to support those of us who lost our dear grandpa, father, brother, or husband, and those who were there to mourn with us. But looking back on this year, and the way that God has worked in all of our lives, especially my Grandma's, I cannot help but sing praise to the Father in Heaven. Since I'm on this grace kick, I have seen the ultimate grace that was shown through my Grandpa's death. Grandpa went to Heaven to be with Jesus, his Lord, and there is no greater love or measure of grace than that. And now I am thinking of him, one year after seeing him in person for the last time, picturing him worshipping at the feet of his Father. What a beautiful picture to have. I will always miss him, and selfishly wish he could still be here with me, but I am so happy for him that he is no longer sick or in pain, but living forever in the presence of his King.

lukewarm

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth" (Revelation 3:15-16)

"Lukewarm Christianity" is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I think we tend to think of this as meaning either you love God and firmly believe in him or you don't; and as long as you do love him and believe in him you are "hot" and not lukewarm. But I'm realizing what Christianity is starting to become in our generation. The "cool" and "hip" churches these days are large "mega-churches" with coffee and jeans and an "anything goes" motto. This, I belive, is lukewarm. This notion that "anything goes" and you can be your own unique self and form and tweak Christianity to fit you, is precisely what I believe is alluded to in Revelation 3:15-16. We are becoming so obsessed with individualism and being different from everyone that we carry these beliefs into our faith as well. God's word and God's law are not something that are up for debate. There IS a one-size-fits-all approach because there is one truth. Forming the church and our faith experience to fit US is not what it is all about, we should try to shape ourselves to fit what God desires us to be. I am not trying to say that being an individual is a bad thing, I think it's wonderful to celebrate the uniqueness that God created in each one of us. I am also not trying to bash the big churches that are bringing in thousands of "seekers" because I am so glad that these people have a place where they feel comfortable to go. But for those of us who are sure of our faith, who know what we believe, and are striving to love the Lord with all our hearts, it's not about comfort. The second we get too comfortable we get lazy and we lose the ability to hear the Holy Spirit's nudging on our hearts.

So I am going to try. Try to fight the urge to settle in to the comfort of forming my faith around me. Try to listen to the Holy Spirit and acknowledge that my life constantly needs work and adjustment and study and learning. And I'm going to try to be honest, whether hot or cold, anything... but lukewarm.

grace in the thanks.

Today, I saw God's grace through 5 different stories from 5 individuals at my church. We had a special Thanksgiving service tonight at church and I had the privilege of being one of the singers at it. This meant that I got to sit up on stage and sing a song of Thankfulness in between 5 testimonies told by members of our church. I didn't expect to be moved so greatly by these testimonies, but the raw honesty and true seeking of God brought tears to my eyes multiple times. These were not necessarily all awful, heart wrenching stories of death and tragedy and great disaster, but rather common everyday hardships that many of us struggle with. The fact that these people, who were going through rough times, many of which were like things I or others around me have also experienced, made me realize something. These people were not there to ask for pity for these events, they were there to say thanks. They were thanking God for the place that these events had in their lives because they brought them closer to him. They said thanks to God for always being the consistency in their lives, and they said thanks to God for the ability to see these trials as blessings.
As I sat up on stage, waiting for each testimony to finish so that I could participate in leading the next song, I realized something. Thankfulness is grace. The fact that we are able to not only have things to be thankful for, but the fact that we are able to realize these as blessings and to thank God for them. Giving thanks is like therapy. It reminds me of all the things I really do have whether material possessions or relationships. It is like therapy because it takes the focus off of me and off of the gifts, and back to the Giver, God. I am especially excited for this years Thanksgiving because God has been working in me in new and wonderful ways in the past months, and this new sensitivity to seeing the grace around me has opened my eyes to the great multitude of grace that I have to be thankful for.
So, thanks God. Thanks for grace. And mostly, thanks for allowing me to acknowledge Thankfulness as what it truly is, recognition of grace.

the grace assignment

I have been meeting with a few girls every Sunday night for the past few weeks for a Bible study. This past week, one of our readings was on God's grace. We discussed how many things in our lives really are grace, everything in fact. We don't deserve anything, most of all our many blessings, because we are sinful people. And yet, whether we deserve it or not, God gives us blessings. Whether it be a tangible material thing or a moment with with a friend or stranger, or a myriad of other things. After discussing grace, we decided on an assignment for the week. At the end of the day, when we are lying in bed, we will look back on our days and discover as many of the gifts of grace that God gave us that we can find. The "grace assignment" made me begin really looking for grace, and I sure have found it.

Today, when I was meeting a friend for breakfast, I got frustrated that there was not a parking spot in the near vicinity of the restaurant. I eventually found a spot down the street and around the corner, near some residential houses. As I got out of my car, I looked up and saw someone walking past my door. I realized I recognized this person, it was a good friend that I had worked with at camp 2 summers ago, but hadn't seen since. Not only was it strange to see her at 7:15 in the morning on a Wednesday, but it was strange to see her, in a place I often go, after 2 years. As I walked away, feeling guilty for getting upset about such a silly thing as having to park down the street from the restaurant, I realized that I had just been given a gift. A light shooting through a dark morning. This was only a tiny start to my day and as the day went on I found many many gifts; moments of joy where I didn't expect to find joy. Because of the assignment that we gave at our bible study a few nights ago, I realized these were moments filled with God's grace. They were not just blessings, it was grace because I never deserved them in the first place.

It is really amazing what can happen when you begin to look for God's grace in the every day happenings of life. I can promise you that the more that you look, the more you will find, and the harder it will become to not want to shout, "Thank you Father!" multiple times in your day. I guess you could call our "grace assignment" a spiritual discipline, but I think I'm understanding why spiritual disciplines work, they open our eyes to God's hand all around us, and get us in the habit to see it constantly.

I hope I can make every week like this week, and keep practicing the grace assignment.

Little Women

Today I watched one of my absolute favorite movies, Little Women. As soon as my dear friend Tara and I put it into the dvd player, and the title screen music came on, I felt like crying. This is a movie that my mom and I have been watching every year, around the time that winter is starting, for as long as I can remember. There's something about the 5 March women that make me think that I was definitely born in the wrong era. Little Women takes place in Concord Massachusetts, which is already one of my very favorite places in this country, during the time of the transcendentalists. There is so much depth to the story and so much literature. The beauty of this story is the March family. They are 4 sisters, with their strong and courageous "marmee" and a father off at war. They are so close and care for each other deeply. Jo, the main character, is someone who I idolize. Even in this time, a time when women were inferior, just barely gaining suffrage, Jo cannot settle for anything less than following her dreams of becoming a writer. It's an inspiring story that makes me feel guilty for not taking advantage of the era that I live in, and the freedom and ability I have to do whatever my heart desires. I think I connect deeply with this story for a few reasons. First of all, family. My family is more important to me than just about anything on this earth. Secondly, literature: words and writing have such a valued place in the heart of the characters. Also, the way people treated each other, and the way you behaved. (I even love the dresses they wore). What to others may seem like a boring movie, or a dull, ordinary story, moves me deeply; and wakes something inside of me. Something that needs to remind her family how much they are loved. Something that needs to look at the world around her as a vessel full of opportunity. And something that needs to write, to get her words out, whatever they may be.