the grace assignment

I have been meeting with a few girls every Sunday night for the past few weeks for a Bible study. This past week, one of our readings was on God's grace. We discussed how many things in our lives really are grace, everything in fact. We don't deserve anything, most of all our many blessings, because we are sinful people. And yet, whether we deserve it or not, God gives us blessings. Whether it be a tangible material thing or a moment with with a friend or stranger, or a myriad of other things. After discussing grace, we decided on an assignment for the week. At the end of the day, when we are lying in bed, we will look back on our days and discover as many of the gifts of grace that God gave us that we can find. The "grace assignment" made me begin really looking for grace, and I sure have found it.

Today, when I was meeting a friend for breakfast, I got frustrated that there was not a parking spot in the near vicinity of the restaurant. I eventually found a spot down the street and around the corner, near some residential houses. As I got out of my car, I looked up and saw someone walking past my door. I realized I recognized this person, it was a good friend that I had worked with at camp 2 summers ago, but hadn't seen since. Not only was it strange to see her at 7:15 in the morning on a Wednesday, but it was strange to see her, in a place I often go, after 2 years. As I walked away, feeling guilty for getting upset about such a silly thing as having to park down the street from the restaurant, I realized that I had just been given a gift. A light shooting through a dark morning. This was only a tiny start to my day and as the day went on I found many many gifts; moments of joy where I didn't expect to find joy. Because of the assignment that we gave at our bible study a few nights ago, I realized these were moments filled with God's grace. They were not just blessings, it was grace because I never deserved them in the first place.

It is really amazing what can happen when you begin to look for God's grace in the every day happenings of life. I can promise you that the more that you look, the more you will find, and the harder it will become to not want to shout, "Thank you Father!" multiple times in your day. I guess you could call our "grace assignment" a spiritual discipline, but I think I'm understanding why spiritual disciplines work, they open our eyes to God's hand all around us, and get us in the habit to see it constantly.

I hope I can make every week like this week, and keep practicing the grace assignment.

Little Women

Today I watched one of my absolute favorite movies, Little Women. As soon as my dear friend Tara and I put it into the dvd player, and the title screen music came on, I felt like crying. This is a movie that my mom and I have been watching every year, around the time that winter is starting, for as long as I can remember. There's something about the 5 March women that make me think that I was definitely born in the wrong era. Little Women takes place in Concord Massachusetts, which is already one of my very favorite places in this country, during the time of the transcendentalists. There is so much depth to the story and so much literature. The beauty of this story is the March family. They are 4 sisters, with their strong and courageous "marmee" and a father off at war. They are so close and care for each other deeply. Jo, the main character, is someone who I idolize. Even in this time, a time when women were inferior, just barely gaining suffrage, Jo cannot settle for anything less than following her dreams of becoming a writer. It's an inspiring story that makes me feel guilty for not taking advantage of the era that I live in, and the freedom and ability I have to do whatever my heart desires. I think I connect deeply with this story for a few reasons. First of all, family. My family is more important to me than just about anything on this earth. Secondly, literature: words and writing have such a valued place in the heart of the characters. Also, the way people treated each other, and the way you behaved. (I even love the dresses they wore). What to others may seem like a boring movie, or a dull, ordinary story, moves me deeply; and wakes something inside of me. Something that needs to remind her family how much they are loved. Something that needs to look at the world around her as a vessel full of opportunity. And something that needs to write, to get her words out, whatever they may be.

“Suppose... suppose we have only dreamed and made up these things like sun, sky, stars, and moon, and Aslan himself. In that case, it seems to me that the made-up things are a good deal better than the real ones. And if this black pits of a kingdom is the best you can make, then it's a poor world. And we four can make a dream world to lick your real one hollow... As for me, I shall live like a Narnian even if there isn't any Narnia. So thank you very much for supper. We're going to leave your court at once and make our way across your great darkness to search for our land above!”

-Puddlegum, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair

Isn't it interesting that we hate the hard times?

Ok, so that question answers itself. No, it's not interesting, it makes sense, the hard times are hard. But When did we ever learn something, I mean really learn something without going through something first, or making a mistake? Since we cannot stop the foreward motion of our lives, to get to that great mountain peak we have to go thru a valley, and even after the mountain we have to go down again. How often do we start taking for granted the mountain peak when it goes on for miles? How much sweeter does that peak feel after the valley before, and the steep climb it took to get up?

I think for the first time in my life I'm really starting to understand what James was talking about in James 1:2. It is so much better to get to that easy, nice place, after you've been through the rough times and you have grown and developed strength. It is so much easier to appreciate the good times after you've been through the rough.

Not to mention, in those hard times, that's where God is. We tend to be so much more in tune with God in those rough times, because that's when we actually remember we can't do anything on our own.

"...And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him"

-joy williams

My Father is omnipotent

Last night and today I was reminded of something: Anxiety, worry, fear... all sins. When I get anxious or worry about something it is like saying "God, you can't handle this, this is too much for me, too much for you, so therefore I'm going to stress out about it". How dare I worry when my Father in Heaven has proved over and over again how he can handle anything, and how he is so much more powerful than I can ever imagine. If I believe the Bible is 100% true, then I need to believe all of the verses that talk about how powerful he is, and how he promises to never leave me, are absolutely true. For the first time, last night, I had a panic attack. Never mind the reason why... but let's just say it was pretty irrational to be so worried and upset about it. I knew deep down it would be ok, but my mind kept telling me that these crazy, irrational things were going to happen, and got to the point where I literally couldn't catch my breath. My God is so much bigger than the futile thing that I was stressing over. I really need to work on my worrying problem, and remember that I have a good shepherd who comforts the weary and the weak.

~Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. (1 Pet 5.6-7)

~I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Ps 18.1-2)

~Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3.5-6)

~And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Rom 8.28)

re-adjustments

I'm amazed at how quickly I have been able to jump back into my "normal" life... I just got home from a trip to Israel less than a week ago and I am already feeling fully re-adjusted to our time-zone, and comfortable picking up where I left off...
My trip was incredible. It was incredibly challenging in a physical sense, and incredibly enlightening into Jewish culture, First Century living, and a deeper understanding of the character of the God that I serve and love. It wasn't one of those; spiritual high, fall on your knees and cry out, rock your world for the weeks that you're there type of experience for me. For me it was a steady gaining of knowledge, understanding, and appreciation. Knowledge of Jewish culture, and the lifestyle that a Jew would have a lived in the first Century. Understanding of why the Bible, and Jesus in particular, use certain things as symbols, and an understanding of how Jesus fulfilled every prophecy and every promise from God. And an appreciation for the intense, passionate love that the Triune God has for us.
And yet with my new-found knowledge, understanding, and appreciation, I'm having a hard time knowing exactly how this should translate in my life back home. In Kelly. I have a much better picture of how Jesus lived his life, but in my life today, how can I mirror this? It is much harder than I expected to transform the areas in my life that were brought to light as needing some t.l.c while I was on the trip. It's much easier to just settle back in to the old way, the comfortable way, that I was living.
I guess the one thing, and I suppose I should take this as at least some progress, is that I am more sensitive to the times and opportunities that I should be entering Shephelah and being a city on a hill. I think my conscience has gotten stronger when it comes to showing those around me who don't know Jesus, how he might have reacted. I'm not saying I'm always good at it, but it's going somewhere.
For now I have to keep praying and reading. I know that God gave me this trip for a reason and I know that I have the ability to let this change my life for the better. Here I go :)